past

sometimes in life they say out past comes back to haunt us. but i dont understnd isnt tht text only ment to refer to thoese that either didn deal wit their past o more accpt it. i guess in som subconcious level i still dont let go of some aspects of my life. but see thts my problem i dont see my past hauntings as hugely regrtable things i mean sure i wish it didnt happn but i dont regrt tht it didn happn since truely im happy as i am ryt now and i cudnt b more thrilled and i wud b this person since the bits of are past make up wht stands in the present. tody my ex called me .. heheh first he asked me bak so i told him to fly a kite and then he told me tht im juz tryin to say no to define him n over power him since he haad done so to me.. to make him feel as weak and to have ur needs and cry outs faded and unseen. i dont understnd why i didn hang up n listen to him harases me and reread the chapters of which days he took lead role at point. intrestingly enough i find tht he misses me, tht psychopathic ingrate acutally is dieing at the loose of power over controllin me.and i acutally today was one of them days where u get the momnt of realisation. i knew this cus he knew in the same details as i did on a day tht i cud never forget. my worst memory wit him is actually haunting him more deeply than me :D which is very very pleasin honstly. he'd beat me countless time b4 tht day nd countless times aftr but tht day the way he laughted the way he lookd and held my up agaist the wall. i rember tht he'd ac'd the room so the wall were cold upagainst my cheeks. and him hand almost clawin my shoulder and crumpling my shirt as his arm pushed up against the back of my neck. i refused to wail o cry as i usually never did. i resorted to biting down on my lower lip until sum times the salt metal taste of my own blood nutralised the occational tear tht leakd loose from my eye. i remeber i always felt tht if i didn wail n cry o cry they way i did wen sum1 really hurt me mentally i wud not b givin him the rights he so forcfuly wanted to claim. i always felt tht if i didn cry the way it matter i still had the last say o more idea tht he'd not won nd the part of me tht made it matter to me was always gonna b true. i rember it was diffrnt tht night cus his belt hit me much more long lastingly. he usually had beat me a few mins o so and then run off . but this time i felt tht he enjoyd it n took him time. and i think it was abt the 14th hit tht i wailed out for the firsst time looked up at him and said if u want to do this at least face me n look me in the eye coward. befor i broke down and cried. i dunno y he almost lik the demond lost grip and the humn in him juz was smacked wit truth. he broken down n cry'd and i watch'd in shock. i didn touch him in pitty nor did i let his reachin hand touch me i push'd bak n got up and went to tak a shower to wash of wht bloody lashs were on my bak. he remember everything to the point i looked above him head n walk right through him. i remember was on of the first days the belt stopp'd hurtin lik his tears were a sadative. i was foolishly and stupidly misguidedly and illut'd to believ tht i was in love. and to point i do believ i did love him irrationaly desipte the one great bad he did tht realy does cancel all gud he'd done. but still i forgave him for myslf for my content tho i never frget. but i smiled today becus my haunted past brought a message tht was punishment to my pain. tho no punishmnt cn undo my endurance i knw tht he lives evrydy wit regrt for loosin me. and the memory of my worst momnt with him is lasting him a life time.a memory he'll never forget nor stop suffrin for.
anyway sometimes wen the past haunts us it leavs us wit a smile and clossure o the feel better o feel good feature :) :P

heloooo... well its easter break.. so basically sitting home with unplanned weeks to come i sit paitently for things to fall into place... ive been lookin up boxing training since im really keen in learn.... part of my to do list... learn to play drums, sing and boxing and then pick up other activites along the way and asloo want to learn to do dirt bike jumps! :) hehehe soooo into the whole adrenaline thing... well anyway few days bak i was lookin intoo the lastest issues tht seem to arise in my islamic nation... well aprantly according to a local well respected might i add singer shows up on local telly and says ' metal music and this heavy metal is the reason to all the drug issues that have been happening in our country' hehehe apprently any1 who listens to as he has brainwashed so many into sayin such music are satanic druggies :S i mean how far does ones ignorance and narrow insight take to proffesse such statments.. oh and heres the best part!..!.. apprently this satanic music thts driving the nations youth into drugs is also wht is used to get this promot chrisianty in the islamic nation! :O i mean hahahah!!! has any1 heard of satanicsms used in promotion of chrisianity! i mean isnt the whole baseline the downfall of christianity.. well i dont wanna step on any1's toes but its juz a contridition to say such things i mean whole idea! i mean ppl wht are you thinkin!Music is the reason for drugs?(wher i say our im talkin to thoes of us livein in a country wit sucha mind set) Has our country fallen so far n deep into it that this has become the reasoning? That this is going to be what we blame for our nation’s drug problem. we can say no it’s not the main reason but it’s one of the reason and that metal music promotes violence and drugs. That our nations talent and musicians that favour this sort of calling is the reason for our nations down fall. If anything music is one of the things that if used right can save our youth and educate them from the voices the grow deaf to in schools. Our nation’s drugs problems aren’t caused by songs apparently are either satanic o promotion of Christianity. Only the bliss of ignorance and ill education will be the cause of such ways of taught. I mean the statement is a contradiction in its core meaning. How can Satanism be promoting Christianity. Really music is one of the only ways our youth voice out to us? Logically if one taught with their heads on not their ambitions its known one of the greatest reasons for substance abuse is isolation and repression. If you let the promotion and the ideology so utterly ignorantly that substance abuse is rooted but metal music then you’re taking away a reason some of our youth have been off drugs. To be part of a band isn’t an easy task. It’s a great deal of responsibility and commitment. If ones true ambitions are to get far o more most of our youth found this to b one of the only ways to speak out their repression and pain because lets face it. The youth today suffer more than any of the past generations.For most of us this is our voice. this is how we speak to help us stop ourselves from going down a path where the only way we're see is if our hand are staind. I mean stop and think for your self how many druggies say oh I started taking drugs because this metal song I heard told me to. Most of the times these people that take drugs o resort to violence are just angry and full of fear. Fear that if they don’t take power over some1 someone will take power over them. Angry that their suffering and pain isn’t seen by our country. That countless rapes go unreported because of the ideals that its ashamed brought upon the child. Angry that the hand that hit him and beat him down never soaked as much blood as it spilt so the people can see his stained hands. This is the true reasons for our drugs and violence in our country. If u want to point a finger as what is to blame for our countries problems point your fingers to a mirror because those u spend more times seeking those to blame than how to help are the one that are responsible. Those who waste time to point instead of act are the ones to blame.One can argue that to find to root of the problem is the way to stop it but trees don’t have a single root. Problems like this aren’t as simple as that. No matter how much u repress it.Instead of dress it won’t fix what broken. Making our country more n more ignorant isn’t going to change the truth. Even if u cover their nations eyes doesn’t heal the nation.Indifference is the opposite of love. It’s to discriminate and stereotype that leads to indifference. To prompt that to be different is to be wrong is only the cause of fear. To be different is wrong its what Hitler ruled with. Is this the statement the next generation will lead to? Is our country loosing is path of democracy to communistic o fascistic ways.